As part of my on-going assignment, where I have to reflect on different blogs, which I’m appreciating more and more, I came across a post that honestly, is what I needed to read at this moment.
As my semester is winding down, classes are coming to a close, assignments are piling up, marks have become heavier, my stress load is rapidly increasing. Furthermore, the winding down of the semester also preludes to my upcoming practicum in September. And I’m terrified! I’m scared that I’m going to somehow royally screw this up. And I’ve wanted this for sooooo long! It would break my heart if I actually failed my practicum.
The other day, I was explaining to my friend why I felt the way that I did and she finally asked, “What is it that you think you will fail at?”. I remember saying to her, “There’s so many things that I know I’m horrible at and I’m scared that one of those things will limit my ability to teach.”
So, you can imagine my mind state when I finished reading Kate’s post.
And she said, “Kate, that is not true. I think you like being bad at things, because you like learning.”
I had never thought about things like that before. I actually had to step away from her blog post and for a several days, I kept thinking about what she said. I asked myself the same thing. Do I enjoy being bad at doing things so that I can be challenged to be better? Hmm. Does it give me a reason to actually improve myself? And thus, am incredibly harsh on myself?
I’m still not sure, but reading her blog gave me a different perspective on my fear. I am scared. Yes, there’s a lot that I’m horrible at. And yes, I’m terrified those aspects of me are going to limit my ability to teach. But at the end of the day, I’m still learning. Yes, I enjoy learning. Yes, I’m committed to becoming a better teacher. I’m learning to be a better teacher and that’s the best place to start anyway, right?